Swimming with ghosts or angels?

   I originally did not give too much thought to swimming 5 miles in one event when I signed up for the MN open water swim series.  It is just a number-right?  As the date approached and I had not gotten the pool time or open water time in that I knew was necessary to feel ready for such a swim...well, I got a little freaked out.  It is not a marathon swim but it is nothing to just blow off either.  I was nervous, stressed over the lack of training time, anxious and maybe questioning my decision quite a bit.  We got to where we were staying later than anticipated on Friday night, got three hours of sleep and then I may have "accidentally" gotten my crew to the swim an hour early.  It really was not on purpose but they will never believe me.  Anyway, there on time, cold and windy conditions, ready to swim.  What do you think about for 5 miles?  That was the question everyone including myself kept asking.  It is pretty tough to get me stay focused if you talk to me.  (sorry everyone!)  I knew that I just wanted to swim.  The water was warmer than the air so it was a welcomed place to be.  We start, we find our kayak(ers) eventually, and we were off and swimming.  The first part was pretty choppy but eventually I found a groove and really just swam.  Before starting they pointed to the water tower and said "that is about 5 miles...swim to that..." so mostly I had the kayak block the sun on my right and used the water tower to sight my swim.  As they told us would happen, it became rough with some waves.  The most interesting part of the swim was this...the waviest, the supposed hardest part of the swim.  I was amazed that every stroke felt strong and for a while that was all I focused on.  I actually thought to myself that this was what those body pump classes were for because I expected to feel tired and not strong.  I got into the best rhythm that I could because you surrender much of your breathing and stroke technique to the waves and how they permit your progress and decide which attempts at collecting air are successful.  This is what I am getting at.  I saw a something out of the corner of my eye.  It was probably a white cap crashing next to me and the underwater sight that makes.  It reminded me of swimming with my yellow lab, Dylan.  She would swim next to me along shores of lakes in Alexandria, streams in Colorado and even a few trips to the ocean.  It was so comforting that I thought about her and how much I missed her and told myself to do this for at least 50 strokes....hold on to that feeling.  Then I wondered about the other people I missed, my grandmother, a summer swim team coach, etc.  I focused on each one and what they meant to me now since passing.  I continued to feel strong and then warm as if swimming in my own sunbeam.  I felt so good and was happy to be swimming-I was having fun!  I had talked to a great person the day before about mantras and as I felt strong and warm said a few of my own personal ones as well.  I cannot describe the experience without saying that I felt blessed right then and there.  So blessed, happy, strong.  We got a little off course and I ended up annoyed at my kayakers.  I barked a little at them....okay, I swore at them.  I knew I made a mistake and felt awful about my words.  Instantly fatigue and some pain set in.  We had already passed the 4 mile mark.  It seemed like nothing until I let something bother me.  This is such a powerful example to myself and maybe for someone else about the power of the mind and positive thought.  It was my first longer attempt at mindfulness and it worked...until I let my ego get in the way!  I honestly finished and thought I could swim longer in the future.  Maybe not 21.5 miles, but 10 miles does not seem out of reach with more training.  This swim was a stepping stone, an eye opener for me.  We truly never know what we can do until we take a chance.  Yes, it is work and takes training, but now I see my goals out farther than I did even two weeks ago.  I am so grateful for the experience and as always, need to remember to keep my words in check.